I am turning Japanese…..

...Oh yes I think sooo.
OK well maybe not, just been bitten by the tourist bug a smidgen?
Must remember to pack that repellent for my travels before I pick up something more untoward… the many kimonos where bad enough for my weight allowance and small suitcase, at this rate I will have enough Christmas presents to run in to Easter.

Well when in Japan I ended up doing all the things a normal tourist does, that and looking totally lost, bemused and forever pointing at things that to the populace are run of the mill, but to me where worthy of a second look and a yen or thousand.
Things like the neatly packaged strange east meets west style sandwiches, that have meat you cant identify and vegetable fillings among the salad bits… cut in to three thin strips like untoasted solder sandwiches, all packaged neatly in a row under shiny cellophane like everything else in Japan.
Right down to separate packaged cotton buds, tooth picks ect Japan and especialy Tokyo is cellophane city..they are truly a packaging crazy nation, even the Americans don’t come close to Japan…
Even saw vacuum cellophane packed trainers in the market.

Why cover something just in plastic?
......when you can do it twice, wrap it in paper put it in a box, tie it with a ribbon and put it in a paper bag followed by a plastic one, just in case it gets wet… in the dry heat?
..is a very Japanese ethos of a packaging kind.
Although there are recycling can and bottle bins every where which kind of balances it out although didn’t see the escalators that they have in China..the ones that only start when someone approaches them I would have thought they would have been all the rage in Japan the land of high technology .
Which I suppose if you have that many soda machines down every street, you need to dispose of them some how and might as well do something with them. But some are actually worthy of keeping or at least a photo for a blog.. like my Dr Pepper can from a vending machine, which had different anime lady’s on the back of every can out of the refrigerated machine.

Buying a rail pass that only covers the trains and not the metros you want as there are separate lines in the same station that the guide books don’t really mention much (at least I didn’t get lost in the busiest station in the world ).

The bright ideas: from the machines in the hotel lobby where you can charge your phone.. if you are the one lucky person that has the right phone that is ever working in Japan
Down to the glasses that business men drop off their noses into the free washing dishes at the sides of the covered pavements, even if they are already clean.
And who can not go tot the toilet in Japan and not love the toilets with their modesty trickling water to hide the sound, to the heated toilet seats and built in bidet!

There might be wacky fashion phase with the teens looking like they have raided a Camden lock Goths wardrobe or stopped off on the way to change their mind and dress as a French maid or Shepherdess on occasion in gaudy matching accessories.
But on the whole everyone is very neat down to the tiny earrings the lady’s wear and the unstuffed bags and ugly shoes of the metro sheep.
Japan I am afraid to say is the country that good shoe design missed on its way around the globe. Its like a time that shoe style forgot.

Also lingerie is only really a slightly frilly version of their underwear so can’t say I was impressed and although went in quite a few with the intent of purchasing something unusual. I came away empty handed. The only consideration to sexy stockings was the over the knee black socks that are all the rage to wear with little two inch heels and a short skirt or shorts with cleavage non existent and woolly (yes woolly with a pompom type) hats the combination some how works on petite Japanese girls, even though it made me giggle a bit.

In to the far blue yonder

Well I am probably in Japan right now,or stuck in an airport being frisked by customs if I am lucky..
What with my phone not working over there I doubt I will get any of my calls or messages till I get back at the start of next month.
So keep it frisky London, I will be back and ready to play another day after my travels bring me back around the world.
.................................
Thank you to the lady that sent me this ditty below and perked me up ...who ever change the lyrics I would take my hat off to you but Im not wearing one right now,it is a hilarious take off of ‘I will survive’ welldone!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I’d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that
I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on…
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you’ve brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those denim Jeans!

Go on now - go! , Walk out the door,
Don’t promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren’t you a git to think that I wouldn’t find you out!?
Don’t you know we’re only joking when we say that size don’t count??!!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I’m saving all my lovin’ for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!
...
Yes Ha ha that was very funny*

*What I want to know is what’s wrong with four inches???
.... if it ain’t broke… just use it.

Why Oh Why?

Well my neighbours are still banging away, where do they get all that energy from?
(yes the builders are still renovating) what would I do without them to complain about??
Fingers crossed they should nearly be done by the time I come back from my soon to be travels.I wont hold my breath though.
Looking at my schedule over the next few weeks I cant help but wonder, why did I do that to myself?
What was I thinking?!
The imminent jet lag is not worth thinking about....

Where the builders being so noisy next door that I thought spending an exorbitant amount of time in airports around the world was better?
Ok so I love airports, yes I know I am weird ..

Trapped in a building full of people that seem to have checked their brains in with their hold luggage..
...You stand in front of someone in a queue (you have been in for a very long time,) while the person in front of you (now you have got to the desk) cant find their travel documents and their children start running off in different directions.
...You then stand in another queue after everything has been scanned, only to be in another queue straight after that, where everyone is wearing trainers or some type of complicated lace up shoe..
Where they now want to scan your shoes....
But for some reason (even though you have been in the same queue for a very long time,) every one cant work out that the people in front have been asked to do… when you can see they are takeing off their shoes, so you will have to do it too.
Then they still ask what to do and complain when they get to the grumpy lady thats fed up of saying the same thing over and over again( thats spelled out on the huge poster right next to her what to do)..’Please take off your shoes’..’no not your socks sir’
I love airports really
..and why stand up at the gate and follow everyone else to wait in a line, when your not boarding for another 20 mins and you have an allocated seat… its not first come first sit where you like so why get all impatient complain and push in?…
Good job I am British and queuing patiently is inbred from birth either that or some English genetic anomaly .
Honestly, I do love an organised airport, it is just the pedestrian passenger sheep people that bug me a bit...ha ha something to rant about other than my builders?
..OK you don’t really what to hear me rant about that either I am betting.

So with e-tickets impending...I will have to give up any idea of reducing my carbon foot print, as all my good intentions have got lost along the way.I am blaming the passenger sheep people at this point...yes OK its my fault really.

Think a trip to the book shop is needed to stock up on some travel guides, ordering on line is not really the same is it?
You can’t really peruse the books while having a nice cuppa and a muffin, while watching how many men wander over to the erotic or lesbian book section and look embarrassed.

Going Japanese

Yes I have been a fan for a while, my wandering at last is taking me off for a short while at the end of the month in Japan.

Unluckily I miss the F1 Grand Prix racing as I fly back on the day of the main race as I have to get back in time for a promising London lay over… just in time to catch my flight to San Francisco.

So off I will go and I doubt then no one will want an escort in Tokyo what with all the cars taking the attention and getting gents all excited!
I had planned on going next year for a couple of weeks but a travel buddy was found sooner than expected…
So this companion will be sightseeing, shopping and making origami trainers to fill my time and I guess getting up to no good, probably in the electronic departments playing with all the gadgets ( if no one emails to frolic)..Supposedly my phone will not work over there either..eek, as Japan has a different net work to the whole of the globe so email it will have to be if you need to get hold of me.

....Now where did I put that how to lean Japanese DVD?